The Bigman, The Burger & The Break

85 years! 85 bloody years! I have loved Liverpool FC for 32 years but am not so anally retentive (this may be argued by people who know me!!) as to know it had been so long since we beat the Mancs in the FA Cup. Anyway I well and truly knew this by kick off seen as the Beeb (BBC TV for all you foreign readers!) had rammed it down by cathode ray tube throughout the build-up! My last memory is of being so wasted and disgusted in the 1996 cup final at watching it in a mates as we could not go that we played footy in his garden after 60 minutes and I think we smashed his dad’s greenhouse!

So here I was, manging as usual not to go to the match (I hate armchair fans cos we ain’t real fans are we’¦sshhhhhhhhhhhh!) and managed to get rid of the missus (with the promise of a new hairdo) and the daughter (probably the thought of daddy screaming ‘œmove out of the way of the telly’ for the next couple of hours was more daunting than sitting in the hairdressers with mummy for the next 3 or so!) on my todd waiting for kickoff!

As the strings of ‘œYou’ll Never Walk Alone’ rang out I was thinking of the fact that our most successful manager has been dead for 10 years (R.I.P Bob) and there seemed to be some major emotion at the ground (I know there always is as I did used to own a season ticket and also steward there! But more than usual) and we were in for a good game.

It didn’t take long for Mark Lawrenson along with John Motson (God if only he could have a jacket spud during a game and keep it wedged in his gob for the full 90 minutes) to start their usual drivel. Our new left winger or Harold as he is known to his mum & Dad clattered into our best friend and Neville Neville’s son Gary within 4 minutes. ‘œI cannot believe he has not been booked for that!’ It seems to me blatantly obvious to me why not. The bloody game was less than 4 minutes old and to set the refereeing standard that early would be a disaster (and Howard Webb I thought did a decent job) but he did warn Harry to pipe it down.

As the game moved on there were no signs that anyone was going to get wasted in a challenge and that Howard Webb would not have to do anything drastic in the game.

We dominated (yet again!) and slowly but surely we started to run the game, Only a rather good save for Van Der Sar stopping Harry from getting a decent goal. It didn’t really matter though seen as from the resulting corner ‘œPlug’ (for those who don’t know google ‘œThe Bash Street Kids!’) was unmarked and but a bloody good header towards goal that Van Der Sar got a hand too but was too good to miss. 1-0 and The Bigman had scored for the first time in 2006 (in fact the first time any of our frontmen have this year!) and boy did he celebrate. As the remainder of the half went on I couldn’t see us losing.

Second half started and United with Saha looked a little better proposition but still I did not feel worried (A feeling that stayed even through the 7 minutes of stoppage time). However yet again I could not see us making it 2-0 but then with Sammi and Jamie at the back I was never worried about Shrek or Horse Face.

It all looked as if all the Neville hype was going to pass with nothing other than resounding ‘œboo’s’ until some complete **** did not quite fancy finishing his lard burger he had just had to take out a second mortgage to purchase. Whilst Neville is a wanker, you are just the same (and whoever threw the money ‘“ no amount will get that vile Manc enough surgery to look good!) and lets face it, if you are seen on the telly, there goes your admittance to any ground in the country. Oh yeah and the stewards get a right bollocking for probably seeing you do it but saying they did not as not to be a grass! However the telly gets the dodgy players it may just get you! Is it really worth the risk for him??

The Mancs did end up with more possession in the second half (I Think) but could do nothing with it and that pretty much said ‘œhello quarters!’.

Alan Smith, bloody hell! Another incident I found myself screaming at Motson & Lawrenson on my TV in an empty house. ‘œOOHHH it looks like its his leg when he blocked that Riise shot!’ No shit eh! However it was his left leg you twonks, I don’t know what game they were at but their comments showed they do not watch properly. It was clear to see his left ankle was limp and his leg looked off centre. That’s right Mark & John his Left!! Not even the leg he blocked the shot with!! It got twisted as he turned away from the ball underneath his body! God I hate BBC Commentators! Anyway after all that I hope Smith gets back to fitness sooner rather than later (Something about commentators I will mention later about Radio City’s regarding the Smith injury!). So get well soon Alan lad.

Anyway, 7 minutes got passed up and it is nice to hear that someone showed George Sephton (He is the Anfield announcer by the way!) where the volume on his amp is so that we can now hear him (took his bloody time!).

Nothing of any note happened in those last 7 minutes but considering play resumed at 92 minutes or so it was a surprise the final whistle went on 97 minutes!! And yet again BBC got it wrong by not allowing any time for chats with Ian Wright et al nor post match interviews as they had to broadcast some quality sport like fox hunting or something.

All in all a nice win (albeit 85 years in the making!) and who would bet against us meeting Chelsea next!!! MMMMMMMM I wonder!

Now a quick blast back to the commentators on Radio City. I had to scoot out around 3.45 in the car so whacked on the radio and the usual phone in with Steve Hathersall (I think) and John Aldridge. It was mentioned that the first person in the medical room to see Smith after the game was Harry Kewell. Understandable they have known each other for years. Also however, was Djibril Cisse which was met by ‘œWhy did he go in?’ by either Steve or John (either it does not really matter (and I cannot for the life of me remember!))!

Are they thick? Why the f*** would Djibril Cisse go in and see Alan Smith just after the poor mother has broken his leg and dislocated his ankle in an innocuous incident? Even Stevie Wonder could see why a mile off! The fact that this could be a Liverpool Striker who may have been watching this game at home minus a leg?? Or the fact that this is a man with such determination to attempt (I must use the word attempt, so sorry as he still frustrates me!) to continue to play the sport he loves only around 16 months after doing the same! GET REAL!

Commentators eh!? Who would be one!!

Anyway Quarters here we come and maybe even Cardiff!

Basque in the glory!!


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